"If you have the will to change...
we have a way..."

Personal & relationship experiences are the seed of human growth

Thank you for coming along and welcome to theprocess. Yes "theprocess" pronounced as one word. The term coined by the participants of the ongoing development groups.

The What

Theprocess is a somewhat unique personal growth and development vehicle. We have been underway for over thirty years and have developed a natural and unique foundation for individual and relationship growth and change.
Individuals, couples and families attend individual sessions, and/or ongoing growth groups and/or weekend to week-long retreats to connect with themselves and grow their connection to awareness.
Ongoing growth work evolves developing an expanded awareness of oneself, others and life, infact life itself is awareness or consciousness. We are born into consciousness and through the process of accumulating impressions, experiences and perceptions we become identified with the mind and the body. These memories and thoughts become compulsive and tend to form the basis of our identity - until we evolve how to grow and let them go.

I am life itself,
I am not the body,
I am not the mind,
I am not my memories,
I am life itself.

In reality most people can change pretty much anything they wish to if they are willing to grow and let go of history and the mind. Remaining the same is the commitment to remain compulsive.. Remaining the same is coping.
To change means to evolve beyond the mind of the family into which you are born. Every family has its own micro culture, even the neighbours over the fence have a different family micro culture. Your emotional resources are largely derived from the mind of the family into which you were born. To grow means to develop greater resources than were available when you grew up. In essence the family mind is a memory system, the work is to transcend the mind.
Presenting issues are in effect exaggerated ways of coping developed in the family of origin mind. These become problematic when you encounter differing ways other people cope with life. Every adult issue is a compulsive form of childhood coping from within the family of origin structure.
Personal growth is a form of expanding your experientiall education - not intellectual education as in modern dissociated teaching, but experiential education leading to an expanded awareness leading to more conscious choices.

Stages of change
I go down the road and fall in hole,
I go down the road and fall in a hole,
I go down the road, see the hole and still fall in,
I go down the road, see the hole and go around,
I go down a different road.

The Big Picture - a different point of view

Theprocess could be described as a holistic container. We warm up to the emotional, psychological and spiritual (of consciousness) basis of life. To change you need to grow the ways you are in the world. To grow means to expand your awareness of yourself and life. This seems self evident, but in today's world it is clouded in institutional, media and industrial messages of sponsored reality.

The reality is there is very little you cannot change about yourself if you have the will, a growth attitude and a willingness to do the work - which really means to move toward your inner experiential truth and beyond.
Many presentations such as feeling depressed, anxious, fearful, angry, guilty or addictive patterns are relatively simple to evolve if you do the work.

Perhaps a meaningful and healthy question is to wonder why are you really feeling depressed? Or angry? Or anxious? Or why do you crave foods, or drugs, or alcohol, or gambling, or the internet, or sex? Or whatever...

Human beings, along with most of nature, continue to evolve, in the case of humans de-evolve, it seems modern humans don’t even know what to eat to stay healthy. The same capacities which are instrumental in evolution are foundational to personal change and growth. Change and growth are the basis of existence, there is something present in all of us that wishes to expand and expand. It does not take long to wish for more, more of anything, more space, more money, more love, more material things… But these things can never fill you because that which you are seeking is where you are seeking from. No worldly phenomena can fill this desire expand. If you have the will to be different we have a meaningful way. If you want to change, are committed to change, are willing to do the work to change - you WILL change.

And if you do not do the work the same underlying experiential structures will continue to be expressed in the same or different ways. Note for example those who give up smoking - it is well known many often go on to eat obsessively and develop weight issues, or become angry, or become sad... Without addressing the deeper drivers of what makes people smoke, simple smoking behaviour cessation is often not enough.

If you are curious or serious about change for yourself or your relationships we are worth considering. You can call Harris Brown or Nigel Aldridge to discuss your situation. We really are worth a chat.

The Who

The individuals that warm up to our approach are people who typically have some sense of wonder about life or may feel they have had enough of reactions, feelings, states of being or certain personality patterns. We do not have answers, there are no answers to life, however, we do have processes that can be employed to free you from your mind, your emotions, your addictions and the patterns that may dominate your life. This is what we call growth.

Growth is the sustained personal evolution of your awareness. Personal evolution is to grow beyond your reactions to being able to warm up to who you actually are, to think the thoughts you decide to think, to experience the feelings that are true to your real values, and to act in ways true to you in your world. We work with all types of occupations and people. Currently business people of all business sizes (one to five hundred employees), doctors, lawyers, barristers and barristas, IT specialists, soldiers, dancers, salespeople, brokers, builders, teachers, panel beaters, engineers civil and construction, mechanics, electricians, nurses, caregivers, retailers, machinery drivers, farmers, mothers, fathers, counsellors, lecturers, artists, hairdressers, landscapers, musicians, politicians...

The Why

People come to us when the cost of remaining the same is too great.

We have many success stories here at theprocess. From life threatening addictions like drugs and alcohol, to sex, or money, or status or what ever people use to avoid or cope with inner experience. People present mostly because; their relationships are not working and/or a partner has moved away, because they are anxious and fearful, life has no meaning, they are angry, feeling low and depressed. We work with every presentation including obsessive compulsive behaviours, from trauma to existential crisis of identity, deep emotional pain, deep feelings of aloneness, unworthiness, feelings of being disconnected from life or loved ones. You name it we have worked with it and usually most successfully. If you really want to change some thing about yourself you will need to do the work.

For most people the main source of growth in their life is personal relationships. Particularly intimate or close-natured relationships. It is within these relationships that our personal issues get activated. Some people see these reactions as problems. We do not, we see your reactions and issues as a personal map of what you need to develop. In addressing your reactions and personality you will evolve and grow. You will develop awareness of yourself, others and life. Your reactions and over-developed personality patterns can be viewed as your psyche insisting that you evolve. They are not unchangeable givens in who you are. Human beings are the most adaptive species ever to grace the earth to date. By birthright we are developmentally geared to evolve. We are not static, hopeless carriers of fixed problems, disorders or other issues.

The Reality

We are not a business. We are not here to profit from anyone's disharmony. Our fees and charges reflect the real cost of providing our service. It costs a great deal to provide anything real in today's world as anyone who lives in the material economy will attest. None of our relationships are based in money and we do our level best to make our processes available to those who are motivated. We are often asked if we do ACC, EAP or other forms of subsidised work. The short answer is no. We do not seek to attract third-party funders. In our professional experience if you do not fund your own growth work it is unlikely you will demonstrate enough ownership of your own progress.

Third-party funders are attached to short-term symptomatic resolution. Real growth work is an ongoing process. Your entire life is a growth process whether you know it or not. Every day you are in a position to make decisions about all manner of things. Every decision you make grows something in you and furthers you in a direction. What you focus upon expands. Growth relationships are life and almost all deeper cultures have a knowing about living and learning about life. It seems in the west you are simply expected to know how to be in the world, with little to no life training or ongoing development.


Addictions are a life process, a default way of coping with life stresses and inner discomforts.

Ways of coping are born within and maintained from the "family of origin" mind.

The "family of origin mind" is a vast range of consciousness born of lineage (epigenetics), energies that are unconscious pass from generation to generation and along the way maximise.

The focus of the addiction, booze, drugs, sex, money, god… are completely irrelevant and have no meaning whatsoever. The inner processes of addiction is what matters and reflects the lack of resources from within the family mind. Addictions are processes of coping with the intention to remain unconscious of self and others.

Addictions reveal the main coping resource to life's issues. Everyone has life issues and they are the same work for everyone. Life is no harder for an addict than anyone else. Everyone has the same life issues.

Addictions become increasingly destructive attempts not to feel the heart, not to feel others, not to feel oneself.

Addictions are deep seated mind-games that prevent honest deep heartfelt connection which would lead to real connection and healing.

Addictions in reality are easy to change for the motivated life learner. Addiction is impossible to change for the resistant learner. Resistance manifests as lack of heartfelt listening to others and self. Resistance is the intention to remain the same, seperate and emotionally unavailable.

Addicts focus upon grievances to deflect deep guilt and inner discomfort. Grievance projections attempt to relieve the addict of deep guilt by projecting it on another. Grievances reflect lack of heartfelt appreciation for others and self.

Addicts are riddled with guilt and shame - it is foundational of their psyche. Addicts often feel the guilt and shame around their addictive behaviour. They mistakenly attribute the guilt to the behaviour. In truth it is the other way around..

Shame and guilt are created in separateness from loving connection typically in very early childhood. Lack of adequate doubling.

Main ways to change default coping:
1 - Mind training - loving affirmation thought endlessly repeated. The mind needs reframing to value and see from the heart. The mind of a healthy psyche is the servant of the heart.

2 - Personal practices - the real religion. Person practice of stillness to train focus and concentration into awareness and peace, to leave the thinking surface mind. Takes endless practice.

3 - Body - simple walking 30 mins per day combined with open mouth breathing and mind-training.

4 - Learning to feel, learning to move toward - a healthy psyche is in touch and able to share experiences. This expands awareness over time and allows deeper choices to be made about spaces to be in.

5 - Be amongst people who are dealing with life issues, not addiction issues. The growing of emotional resources is the work for everyone.

The How

The core of theprocess is growth relationships. For those really ready to evolve then the ongoing growth groups and workshops are a very powerful vehicle of growth. The growth groups offer the sincere individual or couple a truly meaningful and deep, proven vehicle for life enhancement and relationship betterment.

The How for men

The men's growth process is in its thirtieth year and has a highly committed following. If you are a guy who has interest in life beyond being a bloke then the men's process is an entertaining, expanding, sometimes challenging and always rewarding forum to be a part of. Men from every walk of life are represented in the men's process. The men's process is not a men's group about being a man. It is about being a person. It is about connecting with you and what you actually are as a person, a human being. You will be far happier in your life when you feel comfortable being who you actually are.

The How for women

The women's process is a powerful motivated group of women who wish to evolve into fearless non-egoic beings, able to represent themselves fully in every aspect of their lives. If you feel on the back foot in your life or would like to be a better mother, wife, partner or person the women's growth group can provide a vehicle to strengthen who and what you really are.

The ongoing groups form the basis of a growth community unique to theprocess.

Nigel Aldridge
Nigel has worked as a full-time personal/professional development facilitator for thirty years and has approaching 50,000 hours of working with people growth experience. Nigel employs a variety of eclectic approaches to attend to the whole person to connect people with core strengths and abilities. Nigel is a deeply experienced personal growth guide and confidant, and has profoundly influenced many hundreds and hundreds of individuals, couples, families and organisations. While classically trained in a variety of psychodynamic approaches Nigel has a wide and lateral view of life's possibilities.

The methodology used with in the process is a little different to many mainstream approaches. The process has created some largely unique structures for growth and personal evolution. If you are unsure of what to do for yourself in your life Nigel is well worth a visit for a workable point of view that empowers you in your life.

Nigel interests include nature, boating, road and trail motor cycles, yoga, alkaline health and nutrition, boating...

Harris Brown
Process Counsellor

Harris is a trained process counsellor. Harris has worked within the process for fifteen years and is a capable and deeply caring counsellor with individuals in the process approach. Harris also relishes his role as father to young children and has a deep interest in spirituality, effective parenting, personal growth and healing.

Harris' interests include metalwork, off-road motorcycling, nutritional health and well-being.

Contact Details

5 Nash Street
PO Box 1123
Palmerston North 4440

Phone: 06) 354 8787
Fax: 06) 357 1330
Email: nigel@theprocess.co.nz

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